Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Anyone want a dog??! I have a lab, a golden retriever, and a mutt. Take your pick!

They are all sweet, are very good with kids, and potty trained. They also have some great flaws:

Buddy - the lab: chews!!! we have replaced the wires that connect the air conditioning unit to the house twice, replaced the hose that connects the propane to the grill twice, and he is now chewing the side of my husband's shop. Its the size of a two car garage, and we are going to have to replace all of the wood siding on it. He is driving us both nuts.

Boots - the golden retriever: he's only about 6 months old, but thinks he's the size of a chihuahua. He knocks K. down every time she is near him. Oh, and he is vocal. If he sees you he barks. If you tell him no, he barks as if he is talking back. This dog even barks at the wind.

Chico - the black chihuahua mix: He's actually a pretty good dog. We adopted him when he was about a year old. He was in an abusive situation before, which has caused him to have some weird quirks. For example: he cries out in his sleep. Its like a piercing, yelping sound. At first I thought he was sick, or something was wrong. A trip to the vet showed that everything was okay, so now I'm wondering if he is dreaming. He also cowers and shows his teeth at anything that is remotely shaped like a baseball bat. He even attacked a fishing pole once.

I wouldn't dream about getting rid of any of my zoo, but when H. wakes me up before he goes to work, yelling at ME because the dogs chewed the shop ... let's just say I'll consider new homes!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Please Remember

With all of the preparation of K.'s birthday party, along with all of the phone calls about my plans for the day, I want everyone to remember this:

Yes, it is her birthday. She will be the center of attention, and the shining star in every one's eyes. She will eat way too much cake and play with balloons.

I'd like to take a breath and enjoy it, not stress over who can or can't come, or what gifts you are bringing. I don't need a phone call every other day just to let me know that you might be 10 minutes late. I don't want to know what everyone got her - let it be a surprise.

Just please remember - while it is her birthday, it is also the anniversary of the best day of my life.


I'm having a hard time admitting things to myself, so sorry if this doesn't "flow." I'm just trying to put my thoughts into words.

When I was in high school I was not happy with myself. When I look back at it, I wonder WTF was wrong with me. I was 5'4, and approximately 100 lbs. I wore a jacket (a varsity jacket at that) during May, just to keep covered up. I can remember buying a size 0 pants!!

I was never diagnosed with anything, eating disorder wise, but that was probably because I was great at hiding. At the beginning of high school I brought my lunch to school, and threw it away at school. I would even keep the wrappers/trash to throw away at home. We were really busy, so I could easily get away with not eating dinner, or with eating very little. I can even remember going to the doctor for a physical so I could play softball and wincing when the scale read 108.

After some major life changes that included starting over completely, I started feeling better about myself. I went to a university in Arlington, where I didn't know anyone. I met my husband that year, and he made me feel great about myself. I finally let go, and just enjoyed everything. By the end of my first year of college I weighed between 120-125. I was comfortable, and I was happy.

Fast forward to the present day. I have moved from Arlington to my present home not far away. I've gotten married, had a baby, and successfully (I think!) raised a two year old. I've accomplished alot by staying in school, owning (well paying on) a home, and a new car. In the meantime, I've gained a ton of weight. Well, maybe not a ton, but enough. I was at a point that I didn't care about how I looked because I felt great. And that mentality has caused me to weigh a total of 197 lbs. I have NEVER stated my weight in public, so this is big for me.

It seems like I can never have it all - its either a decent weight with a negative attitude towards it, or the I don't give a fuck attitude, even though I weigh close to 200 lbs. I mean, its almost twice what I was less than 5 years ago. That's hard to wrap my thoughts around.

Basically, what I'm getting at is that I'm making changes. "Lifestyle" changes, if you will. I hate that term, and the commercialization of it, but that's besides the point. Starting tomorrow I'm done snacking (except for like fruits, etc). I'm done grazing, and I'm done with soda. I know I can do this, because I've done it before. The trick this time is to keep it healthy. This is the part I'm worried about - I have a 2 year old who looks up at me. She mimicks everything I do, and I DO NOT want to teach her any part of what I had before.

I have no plans on making this a "weight loss blog." I don't want to post stats and weights and inches lost or gained. I may update about it periodically, but that's not what this post is about. I have every intention of writing down what's going on inside. If I keep it trapped in I begin to live in a dream world where skipping meals is okay. A world where we don't need food to survive. I convince myself that I am doing okay, even when I'm not.

And for anyone wondering - H. is being supportive of the plan to eat healthy. I try to talk to him about all of the other things, but he doesn't really understand. I don't expect him to, and I don't expect anyone else to. This is my way of dealing with myself and processing what I'm doing.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I'm still here!

I know its been awhile, but I've been really busy! Sorry! My SIL's baby shower is this weekend, so I'm trying to get last minute things together. I just realized that K's birthday is in 2 weeks, and that there are a total of 30 people that are going to be in my house. This is just family, and a few close friends!!

*I'm glad so many people want to share the celebration of her birthday, but where do you draw the line?? I wouldn't have too much of a problem, except that we have enough parking space in the driveway for exactly 1.5 cars (We both have small cars, so they fit), the garage is full of junk (I CAN'T throw it away, might be useful *someday*), and there is enough room in front of our house for about 3 cars parked in the street. I'm totally stressing over this.

*I'm trying to decide whether or not to work this coming school year. I'm taking 18 hours of classes, 9 of which are online classes. I will be commuting 100 miles a day (damn gas prices), and still have to have enough energy to take care of the house. Money isn't really an issue. We can get by just fine (pay all the bills, have a little left for savings, etc) with just H. working, but as he put it "we won't have any money for fun." And I feel GUILTY about not working and helping out.

*We have been painting (again!) parts of our house. I have finally painted the kitchen, and parts of the dining room. Pics to come, as soon as its finished.

*Just to complain a little (and because every one else has already heard enough), residents in my city are required to boil their water "until further notice." I don't know all the details, but I think half of the pumps at the transfer station went out, and there is a chance of contamination and bacteria in the water that is now being pumped. I got a phone call from H. yesterday, telling me not to use the water. We went out to buy bottled water, and could only find the small packages. We could just boil water, but my kitchen is basically turned upside down from painting (which started before the water mess), and the stove is not plugged in (its a gas stove). Hopefully we are allowed to use it again soon.

*We went out to eat last night (lack of stove, remember), and the restaurant we went to was only serving bottled water and canned sodas (which we figured because of the water problem). It wouldn't have been too bad, but they were charging $1.45 for a 12 oz can of Coke!! Luckily the bottled water was only 0.60, because I was about ready to walk out.

Hopefully I'll be back soon. I HAVE to get the house back together before the baby shower this weekend!

Sunday, July 13, 2008


For a long time, I always heard about how quiet I am. Translation: I don't talk much around people I don't know well. Obviously I'm only quiet around people I don't know. H. has always told me I talk too much, especially at night when we go to bed. Lately he has mentioned that I talk too loud. He makes comments about how I don't have to yell, or that he IS in the same room, etc. I always brush it off and we laugh about it.

Tonight at dinner, I was talking to H. about a few things that really piss me off. Without going into detail about that, I'll just say that I was getting a little loud without realizing it. He kept telling me not to yell at him (I wasn't, just talking loudly I guess), and that he was sitting across the table. We laughed about it, and ate silently for a few minutes. When I started talking again K. put her hand up by her ear (more like her cheek, but in the general ear area) and said Mommy woud (loud)! Mommy woud! After laughing (A LOT!) I was left speechless.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Cars - and some much needed advice in the end.

I put a lot of miles on my car. While trying to figure out a budget for gas during the school year, I realized that I am going to be driving a little over 500 miles a WEEK! Never mind the high gas prices - I'm going to have an extra 2000 miles A MONTH on my poor car! 8000 miles in the semester!! That's a TON of driving.

While I was thinking about all the cars/driving/mileage, I started to think about how many different cars I've owned. Its a pretty impressive list, so I'll share. Keep in mind that I'm only 22, and that I didn't get my first car till I was 17 - so we are talking 5 years here.

My first car was a 1992 Camaro. It was a dark green, had been lowered, and had a body kit on it. It even had a stereo system, but at the time I was clueless as to what it was for (what's a sub? an amp??). I LOVED this car and didn't even mind that the air conditioning didn't work. Well it did, but there was a weird clanking noise when it was on so I didn't turn it on. I decided it was time to sell it (well, my mom and I both did) when it began overheating and my dad couldn't figure out the problem. Being stranded at night as a 17 year old girl was a little frightening to say the least. And I didn't have a cell phone...

So we sold that, and I decided I wanted a truck. My parents bought me a 1997 Chevy S10, which had more problems than it didn't. My dad didn't believe me, so I kept driving the clunker that didn't have a/c and that almost died as it went up hills. I hated it more than I can remember.

Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I decided to get a new car - the truck didn't have a back seat, and I knew it was a great opportunity to get rid of it. So after searching I found a 1996 Grand Am. It was a good running car, but a little small. We kept it for about a year.

At this time, H. had a 1990 Mazda Miata. We bought it wrecked (needed a new door and fender) and fixed it up. It was really pretty, and ran good. It had almost 200k miles on it, but it was still really dependable. One day H. was sitting on a road waiting to turn left when some girl hit him from behind. She was doing probably 55 miles an hour, and he was sitting still. Needless to say, the car was totaled.

We bought another Miata with the insurance money, but it was never as good as the one that we did all of the work to. It was a bright blue, and neither of us were happy with the car.

A little while after he had his new Miata, I decided that the car was too small for all of the baby gear (you know, portable crib, toys, diapers, blankets, clothes, diaper bag - everything needed for a weekend at grandma's) so we bought a 1991 Ford Explorer. It was in GREAT shape, and only had 45 k original miles on it. That's really hard to find in North Texas, where everyone commutes. I kept this car until an old man (I think he was 87 years old) ran a stop sign and tboned me. That was the scariest experience ever. K. was in the back seat, and she SCREAMED on impact. I was so scared something was wrong, but turns out she was just scared. His little (tiny) compact car totaled my Explorer. Everything (including the frame) scooted over about 6 inches, and the tire literally fell of the wheel because of the impact.

Shortly after I got my Explorer H. decided he HAD to have one too, so we traded the Miata for a 1993 Explorer Limited Edition. It was in decent condition, but got HORRIBLE gas mileage (9-10 miles to the gallon) so it had to go.

I bought a 2001 Ford Mustang (I'm currently driving it) and LOVE it. I couldn't be happier. Heath has a 2008 VW Jetta. It is the first car either of us has ever owned brand new (although we are leasing it) and we both love the way it drives. Its roomy too.

When we bought the Jetta, we put the Explorer up for sale. A man came to look at it, and offered us $1500.00 for it. We jumped at the offer, considering we didn't think we would get that much for it. I let H. handle the deal - considering it was his car, the title was in his name, etc. The man that bought the car gave him $1200 cash, and a $300. check, POST DATED. I didn't think he should do that, but whatever, what's done is done.

Turns out that the check bounced, and the money was pulled out of our checking account, causing the balance to be less than $0. (It was a separate account than our every day checking account). We were charged returned check fees, along with NSF (non sufficient funds) fees, all totaling $150.00. All of this happened back at the end of April/beginning of May.

I've tried calling the man several times - every time I get a response about how he is going through a difficult divorce, and barely has enough money to feed the kids, etc. etc. and he will pay me next pay day. I call again, and his number is disconnected.

Any ideas as to what to do now? We signed a bill of sale (stating the price, along with payment being cash and check), and have a statement from the bank stating that his check bounced and the fees associated with it. He lives in Mansfield, which is about 30-45 min away. I don't know where to go next. Should we pursue it any further (courts - although I don't have the money to try and pay fees etc), or just leave it alone and suck up the loss?

Monday, July 7, 2008


So I'm not as far behind as I thought I would be! I got together a box of goodies today... they still haven't been sent off, but at least they are together. Sorry for the low quality pic - I couldn't find my camera. When I finally did find it, it didn't have batteries, and then I couldn't find a usb cable!! Finally said screw it, and took a picture with my phone and emailed it to myself.

Since you probably can't tell what is the picture: there are 2 water bottles with crazy straws (I bought one for K.. last week and she LOVED it!), a kid's book (about a dog and a cat, too cute), a magnetic memo board, and my favorite of all: a Tootsie Roll beach ball complete with a bag of Tootsie Rolls. I really hope they travel well!

I might throw in some other things if I can find them, just for a "surprise" effect! Even though I didn't win anything, the contest was a ton of fun, and I found lots of great blogs to read during my spare time!

Saturday, July 5, 2008


And the winner is (drum roll please!)....


I have emailed you to get your contact information. I'll get the package sent out hopefully sometime next week.