Monday, June 16, 2008

Things I would have done differently

I love my life and wouldn't change what I have now that I have it, but every now and then I start thinking about what I would change if I had a chance.

*I was a brat in high school and I regret every minute of it now that I'm a little older. If I could change things I would be a little nicer to my parents and stop trying to grow up so damn fast.

*Speaking of high school... I would change most of it. Starting with the fact that I had the same boyfriend throughout. Most of the time it was just a label (we were going out) and I still flirted around with other friends. I wasn't myself around him, and I think I would have had a lot more fun if he hadn't been in the picture for so long.

*Majoring in engineering just because someone said I would be good at it. Yes, I could handle it. I was even good at some of the aspects. But I think a 1.9 GPA first semester of college (when taking mostly intro engineering classes) says that I didn't enjoy it. I suffered through a year and a half as an engineering major before I stopped thinking about what others said. I changed my major to education and luckily I have raised my GPA to a 3.8. I'm very proud of that, even though I'll be graduating a year late.

*Getting married just because I was pregnant. This is a long story that I'll tell later, but for now let's just say that when I told my parents H. and I were having a baby they refused to talk to me until a wedding date was set. I love H. and couldn't imagine being married to anyone else, so this has worked out for the best.

*Not having an actual wedding. I agreed to just go to the J.P and have a small wedding with our immediate families on the account that a big celebration was going to happen when the baby was born. Its been 2 years and I'm still waiting on that celebration. I really think that the only thing I regret was not being able to get all dressed up and have the pictures to prove it.

*EVER agreeing to live with my inlaws. We lived with them until K. was about 3 months old. It wasn't THAT bad, and they did their best to make me feel at home, but it just wasn't HOME. I was never really comfortable and felt like a permanent visitor.

*Having a child before I graduate from college. One of the things that I struggle with daily is whether or not I have enough time with K. I schedule everything around trying to spend as much time as possible with her. I actually cried when I couldn't fit my classes into two days a week last semester. There were more tears when I realized I had to go five days a week this fall. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I drive an hour each way to campus, and on T and Th I will come straight back just in time to go to work. I won't even see her on those days until 6:30 at night and it kills me. I love my job and what I do, but it is a little heartbreaking to think that I am passing an opportunity to spend time with my daughter in order to take care of someone else's kids.

I realize that I wouldn't be who I am, or where I am for that matter, if it weren't for these events. Everything has worked out and I am happy with my life. But that doesn't mean that when I am disciplining a toddler or wiping up the table after dinner that I don't think about how different things might be.

1 comment:

Swistle said...

I had one wedding with the fancy dress and the photos, and one J.P. And I think more fondly of the J.P. one: the dress-up and party SEEM like they'd be better, but they're actually mostly stress and blur. (But, true: good pictures!)